when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
