The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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