OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
