I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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