Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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