bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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