when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize