I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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