omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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