Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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