It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
