just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
