My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your dad touched me again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
