he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The struggles of a small town man whore
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
