saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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