Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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