JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
