South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
