Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
