My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
