you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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