My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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