My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
