How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
