fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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