I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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