"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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