Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
