he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
