If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
