So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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