true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
