You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
