I CAN MOONWALK!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
