Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
