did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
