The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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