He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize