whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
