so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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