Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
