I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
