hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
