Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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