I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
