i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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