Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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