I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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