allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
