he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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