the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
