Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
