I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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