This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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