You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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