she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
