my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
