How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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