Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
