I feel like abortions should bother me more
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
