party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
