Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
