I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
