It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize