I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
