you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
