sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
