i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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